The Highest Impact Factor Journal in Your Field
The Anonymous Reviewer
School of Irrelevance
(rest of the address is kept anonymous)
Dear Anonymous Reviewer,
The author reports have arrived for your review comments submitted an year back.
Based on these author reports I have come to a decision about your review report on the Author's Dear Paper of Two Year Labor.
It is with extreme poignancy I write to inform you that the authors, after sitting on your review for an year, have summarily rejected your review report for want of better content worthy of publishing consideration with us.
In this context you should note that, your submitted review report claimed the non-existence of the author's work based on purely personal grounds argued with enough weight in sentences like "I don't like the figure", "the manuscript is in bad shape" and "I don't like the author's name as I am unable to remember the spelling while typing".
Also, given the busy schedule and extreme duress the authors are subjected to and given the nature of the thankless job "paper writing" is (as against cushy peer reviewing), I am sure you would be thankful for such a quick (only an year) turn around time for the author reports on your review.
You may choose to resubmit after writing a totally new reviewer report, which will go through a full authorship process. I await your resubmission.
In any case, thanks for choosing The Highest Impact Factor Journal to submit your reviewer reports.
Author Reports [unsigned copy in triplicate]
[Disclaimer: Just a fantastic thought what if we reverse the goal of peer review process. Be kind on me. I have been and continue to play the author and the reviewer and both tasks are tough. But I am sure you will agree peer review process is still the better method for publishing qualified research . I abide by it.]